HodgesReport.comConstantly Reporting on TMZ Reporter Max Hodges

Recent reports suggest that TMZ fan favorite MAX HODGES may be having a hard time handling the stress of being Hollywood’s most dim-witted non-news reporter. It’s been suggested by some that Hodges is unable to detach himself from his work when he leaves the office, constantly offering up meaningless narration of what’s going on around him. “Max just needs to relax somehow,” says a coworker speaking on the condition of anonymity, “I mean, there’s usually nothing newsworthy about the checkout line at Vons, but he can’t stop reporting on it. He’s like, I got this guy in front of me at Vons, and the dude is totally losing his hair. It does NOT look good. But the best part is he’s got like, 5 packages of these huge steaks… I mean, the dude is grillin!” This non-stop non-news reporting has landed Hodges in hot water in places like the gym, the movie theater, and public restrooms.

Shown above, a woman confronts Max Hodges in a coffee shop, demanding to know why he’s verbalizing every little thing that transpires. She refutes part of Hodges’ report on her caramel latte order, saying “There’s nothing wrong with this blouse, you idiot.”

Monday’s episode of TMZ found challenger Dax Fashion racing head to head with TMZ fan favorite MAX HODGES. Dax Fashion matched Hodges story for story with hard hitting pieces of journalism like A Celebrity Has a Skinned Knee, and Celebrities Taking a Walk Along the Beach. In the end, Hodges was unable to best the hair gel hero, even by breaking the biggest stories in Hollywood, like A Celebrity Picking Up Take-Out Food and A Celebrity Walking to His Car.

Monday’s Story Count, 7/6/09 -Dax Fashion: 5 -Max Hodges: 5 -Gold Digging Slut: 4 -Droop Doggy Dog: 3 -Nasal Spray Bandit: 2 -Pippi Longstalker: 1 -Curly Squeaky: 1 -Count Mustachio: 1 -Nameless Moron: 1 -Judge Dreads: 1 -Groucho Glasses: 1 -Chubby Pasty: 1

Friday’s episode of TMZ was a battle royale of non-news tomfoolery. Despite his best efforts, MAX HODGES was unable to defeat Dax Fashion or Judge Dreads. At one point, Hodges became so flustered he referred to a baby as a “Twenty-one month year old.” At this time last year, Dax Fashion was considered the prime contender to challenge Hodges for the title of non-news nitwit extraordinaire. In recent months, however, he has settled complacently into a supporting role, only to emerge late last week to seek The Title once again. Judge Dreads has been giving Hodges a run for his money. The chime-in master scores more points than any other non-news non-personality, and last Thursday beat Max into humiliating submission with a crushing victory.

Thursday’s Story Count, 7/2/09 -Dax Fashion: 6 -Judge Dreads: 6 -Max Hodges: 6 -Gold Digging Slut: 5 -Nasal Spray Bandit: 4 -Chubby Ballcap: 3 -Pippi Longstalker: 3 -Big Momma: 2 -Droop Doggy Dog: 1 -Chubby Spikey: 1 -Balding Lisping: 1 -Curly Squeaky: 1 -Chubby Glasses: 1

Shown above, Dax Fashion reacts to speculation that he may have won the day’s Story Count Title, flailing his arms and jumping up and down as the results are tallied

He’s done it! On Thursday’s episode of TMZ, JUDGE DREADS sentenced MAX HODGES to a humiliating defeat at the hands of Dreads, Chubby Ballcap, and Gold Digging Slut. Coming in with an astounding 6 points (all of which were chime-ins, of course), the Judge was unquestionably the non-news MVP and performed almost as disgracefully as Hodges usually does. We couldn’t be happier for him. Other noteable non-news performances came from Chubby Ballcap and Gold Digging slut, who left Hodges in the dust with scores of 5 and 4, respectively. With a story count total of only 3 points, Hodges was unable break free from challenger Dax Fashion or mangy mutt Droop Doggy Dog.

Typically the most prominent non-news presenter featured on TMZ’s daily broadcast of uneventful footage, on Thursday MAX HODGES performed like a fat old man in a jumping jacks contest (typically Chubby Spikey’s job). Before Thursday’s filming began, we’re told Hodges glared at Judge Dreads from across the room, saying “You better keep your mouth shut during my stories, Dreads!” When reached for comment, Judge Dreads explained “Oh, I didn’t think anything of it. That’s how Hodges greets me every morning.” After the morning meeting, Hodges spent an hour arguing with the Judge over who’s shirt has more stripes.

Thursday’s Story Count, 7/2/09 -Judge Dreads: 6 -Chubby Ballcap: 5 -Gold Digging Slut: 4 -Droop Doggy Dog: 3 -Dax Fashion: 3 -Max Hodges: 3 -Chubby Glasses: 2 -Chubby Spikey: 2 -Pippi Longstalker: 2 -Big Mamma: 2 -Balding Lisping: 2 -Curly Squeaky: 1 -Nameless Moron: 1

Hodges demands to know how many stripes are on the Judge’s shirt, taunting “Mine’s got 24, Dreads… beat THAT!”

Fan Favorite and prince of urinal journalism Max Hodges was unable to maintain his dominance of the Story Counts last week. This opened the door for several other unproductive members of Harvey’s Harem to deal a deadly blow to Hodges’ massively overestimated worth as a TV non-news non-personality. If there’s one TMZ non-news reporter who never actually reports a damn thing, but has somehow carved out a brain-numbing career for himself as a guy who sometimes comments on random, meaningless stories, it’s Judge Dreads. We love to see Judge Dreads put up a good fight in the story counts for the simple reason that he’s not MAX HODGES. With this in mind, last week was truly a delight! With seemingly no effort at all, Dreads went from a pathetic and embarrassing last place finish on Monday to a decisive, commanding lead on Thursday.

Tuesday’s Story Count, 6/30/09 -MAX HODGES: 6 -Nasal Spray Bandit: 4 -Judge Dreads: 3 -Dax Fashion: 2 -Droop Doggy Dog: 2 -Big Mamma: 2 -Gold Digging Slut: 2 -Chubby Ballcap: 2 -Chubby Glasses: 1 -Chubby Spikey: 1 -Cake Decorator: 1

Wednesday’s Story Count, 7/1/09 -Judge Dreads: 5 -Max Hodges: 5 -Dax Fashion: 4 -Nasal Spray Bandit: 3 -Big Mamma: 3 -Chubby Spikey: 2 -Gold Digging Slut: 2 -Balding Lisping: 2 -Droop Doggy Dog: 1 -Chubby Glasses: 1 -Nameless Moron: 1

In a ridiculous turn of non-events on Monday’s episode of TMZ, fan favorite MAX HODGES was unable to secure the story count victory despite rumors that he had actually witnessed Rene Russo putting money into a parking meter (which turned out to be yet another silly hoax). Hodges’ performance peaked when he mentioned a mutant Australian lamb with 5 legs and 6 feet (yes, TMZ owns “the best stories in Hollywood”). Even stranger than that, however, were flirtatious and/or hateful glances he and Toolmaster Harvey Levin exchanged… oh, wait… that happens in most episodes. Anyways… Chubby Ballcap went head to head with Hodges to see who could wear their hat most backwards and present the most non-news. Neither of them won.

Monday’s Story Count -MAX HODGES: 3 -Chubby Ballcap: 3 -Curly Squeaky: 3 -Dax Fashion: 2 -Chubby Glasses: 2 -Balding Lisping: 2 -Gold Digging Slut: 1 -Judge Dreads: 1 (awwwwwww) -Droop Doggy Dog: 1 -Nameless Moron: 1 -Pippi Longstalker: 1 -Cake Decorator: 1 -Count Mustachio: 1

Hodges and Harvey exchange their odd and uncomfortable banter, causing some TMZ staffers and viewers to puke.

*PLEASE NOTE: Audible giggles do NOT score a story count point. An English word must be spoken.

Seen above is the comment Hodges left on a high school girl’s Myspace wall.

TMZ’s MAX HODGES is no stranger to Myspace correspondences. This case, however, is cause for a raised eyebrow or two. Hidden among the many comments about Sadie Hawkins dance, Graduating, sleepovers, and Winter Formal on the Myspace wall of a 17 year old Pico Rivera high school student, the 27 year old Hodges inconspicuously writes “I like your pictures.” This could mean one of many things:

-A lover of Ansel Adams, Hodges probably really enjoyed her camping photos.
-Being the sports nut he is, Max got caught up in her volleyball team photo.
-Maybe he’s interested in recruiting her to photograph celebrities doing everyday things.
-Perhaps Hodges just enjoys pictures in general because they don’t involve reading.