TMZ’s power house non-news rereporter MAX HODGES killed it in his favorite brownish flannel as he took home victory yesterday, presenting a bountiful amount of in-depth reporting like a celebrity walking to her car, a celebrity leaving the gym, and a dog on a swing (bonus points for the dog story). Shown at left, Droop Doggy Dog looks on as Max prepares a Kung Fu non-news death blow, shouting “SOPHIE MONK, SHE WAS OUT AND ABOUT YESTERDAY!” Some of Hodges’ most valuable and insightful commentary came during a discussion about a photo of pop singer Bono, where he revealed “Bono is in U2. U2 is, like, a middle aged rock band. He’s sporting his winter tan, too, in the middle of summer… in September.”
Last week TMZ’s fan favorite “reporter” MAX HODGES seemingly wondered aloud if a celebrity walking to his car is really such a big deal. In the video, Hodges is heard saying “I cannot believe there are still hundreds of girls waiting to see Robert Pattinson… it’s insane, I just can’t believe it! He walks to the car, THAT’S IT!“ The comments are unexpected coming from someone who earns his meager livelihood reporting non-news minutia about celebrities walking to their cars every day.
Hodges’ analysis of the footage is strikingly similar to LTPA Spokesperson Gus’ description of paparazzi harassing John Mayer in the LTPA Introductory Video, even ending with the same bewildered “that’s it! Toolmaster Harvey Levin went on to explain that people who become obsessed with actors and wait around to catch a glimpse of them doing mundane things have minds “not rooted in reality.” This is a pretty good description of his entire staff.
We all already know what TMZ’s MAX HODGES thinks about gay marriage. Now, in a shocking discussion with his non-news cohorts the “fan favorite” has revealed that he himself will not wed for at least another 20 YEARS! Unconfirmed sources suggest Hodges’ reasoning could be “there are just too many baby babes out there just being born who are gonna be super hot in 19 or 20 years.” This would land Hodges squarely at 48 years of age before he’s ready to tie the knot. Upon hearing this news, Chubby Ballcap screamed “MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU, HODGES,” and waddled out of the room.
Wednesday’s episode of TMZ again showcased MAX HODGES’ unique ability to blurt out more nonsense than anyone else in the room… by a long shot. In a moment which very well could have been fabricated on this site to poke fun at him, Hodges stopped in the middle of a pitch to MAKE SURE Toolmaster Harvey Levin and the rest of his TMZ cronies had understood his witty quip: “He’s a poet and he didn’t even know it,” said Hodges “But… (awaiting laughter)… you get it? … Hey, you’re a poet and you didn’t even know it?” Unconfirmed reports from TMZ’s post production crew indicate Hodges’ explanation of the joke went on for several more minutes until he was finally distracted by a shiny object in Gold Digging Slut’s hair.
Frustrated glances were passed throughout the room as Hodges made damn sure everyone understood that he had rhymed “poet” with “know it,” and it had been clever to do so.
After narrowly missing out on the “World’s Sexiest Man” title and his eventual disqualification from the “World’s Cutest Baby” competition, MAX HODGES has popped up on a Fancast blog posting entitled “10 Sexy Stars Who Heat Up Summer TV, Including Max Hodges.” Not only does Hodges’ name appear in the title of the post, but his write up is nearly three times as wordy as the other nine people. He also appears to be the only one who granted Fancast an interview… we find this very interesting. After some brief gushing over the genius of Harvey Levin, the interviewer addresses Hodges’ thoughts on LeaveThesePeopleAlone.org:
“He is aware of some websites* that follow his every move and on-air utterance but doesn’t take them seriously. ‘I try not to look at that stuff,’ he says. ‘I just try to live my life.’
This is a bit of a contrast from when Hodges told LTPA in October “I THINK THE SITE IS FUNNY.” The sensible follow up questions that come to mind are “Wouldn’t you expect a similar statement from the people TMZ constantly bothers about non-newsworthy events?” and “How do you reconcile that?” Of course the interviewer foregoes any followup, but seriously Hodges, how DO you reconcile that? That’s pretty much the point of this silly website and it sounds like you’re awful close to a breakthrough here!
A screenshot of a past correspondence from Hodges to LTPA via Myspace.com
*”Some websites?” Are there other websites devoted to reporting on Max Hodges that we’ve missed thus far? info@leavethesepeoplealone.org
“The great thing about being gay is no one expects you to get married, so you can go around and screw everybody … I don’t know why you’d want to get married if you’re gay. You get to go screw everybody you want.”
Our September 2, 2008 post showed TMZ’s MAX HODGES eloquently expressing his opinions about gay marriage and homosexuality in general. The accompanying video was promptly removed from youtube at the creator’s request (the creator of the video, not The Creator). It is now posted for public viewing again by it’s creator (not by LTPA). If you haven’t seen it already, click this link and hear Max explain his views on gay marriage.
This week TMZ’s MAX HODGES made an attempt to call another blonde stupid. Taking a page from the book of Biff Tannen, Hodges lashed out at a blonde woman who didn’t know Paris Hilton’s boyfriend’s name, saying that she’s “not the smartest tree on the bush.” Several seconds later, Max began to realize that his moronic utterance made no sense at all and tried to redeem himself with a sad “not the smartest leaf on the tree,” which also makes little-to-no sense. Generally one tree is not considered “smarter” than the other, let alone one leaf of a tree being smarter than others. LTPA would like to suggest a few alternatives for Max to consider next time.
-Max Hodges is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
-Max Hodges couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
-Max Hodges is as sharp as a wet sponge, and twice as smart.
Of course, anything we suggest in print is hopeless, as all reports suggest Hodges can’t read. Many believe Hodges’ idiocy may be an intentional ploy to boost his “celebrity douche bag” status. When questioned about this claim, Hodges replied “What the hell does ‘ploy’ mean?”
Our photags caught TMZ’s MAX HODGES on his way to work this morning. The typically standoffish TMZ news boy took a moment to candidly discuss the new President-Elect of the United States, speaking briefly on what initially drew him to the candidate: “I really admire that guy. He’s got an AMAZING tan… I mean, he must go to the beach like, EVERY day.”
Stay tuned for updates and new developments ***ACTUAL STORY… not made up… really.***
Yesterday LeaveThesePeopleAlone.org published a story about MAX HODGES’ recent desire to pursue employment in the ditch digging sector. Since publication of that article, Max Hodges has updated the occupation section of his myspace profile to read “I wish I dug ditches, to bury ‘the LTPA Web Developer’.” (web developer’s full name omitted) We’d like to think that Hodges is just making a joke the best way he knows how, but even though we report on him every day, we don’t actually KNOW what goes on inside his minuscule brain. The following precautions are being taken in case he truly desires to murder one of our associates.
1) All HodgesReport.com stories will from now on praise Max Hodges, who is legitimately one of the most respectable journalists of our time.
2) Until further notice, if any of our associates encounter Max Hodges we will respectfully lower our heads, smash our cameras on the ground, and not speak unless spoken to.
3) All our associates and readers of HodgesReport.com are advised to lock their deadbolts and car doors.
On a more serious note, our organization has never published ideas of violence towards Max Hodges or his colleagues even as a joke, and of course we would never wish Max (or anyone) any harm. The public expression of his desire to murder one of our associates casts a bad light on the typically jovial atmosphere in which Max reports silly celebrity news and we report silly Max news. We have chosen to respond in our usually jovial manner; however we are hoping to hear from Max Hodges that such threats are not serious in nature, and that there is no intent to harm our associates in any way.
Gus
Gus@LeaveThesePeopleAlone.org Click here for a screen shot of Hodge’s off-putting myspace remark (with names blurred out).
In a new development on MAX HODGES’ myspace page, the 27 year old revealed he may not find his work at TMZ fulfilling. In the “occupation” section of his myspace profile, where Hodges had previously spoke of his past as a male model, he now proclaims “I wish I dug ditches.” There’s really only one thing we can be sure of here: If Hodges someday pursues his dream of digging into the earth with enormous backhoes, gigantic bulldozers, and huge dump trucks, the biggest tool at the job site will still be Max Hodges.
TMZ’s power house non-news rereporter MAX HODGES killed it in his favorite brownish flannel as he took home victory yesterday, presenting a bountiful amount of in-depth reporting like a celebrity walking to her car, a celebrity leaving the gym, and a dog on a swing (bonus points for the dog story). Shown at left, Droop Doggy Dog looks on as Max prepares a Kung Fu non-news death blow, shouting “SOPHIE MONK, SHE WAS OUT AND ABOUT YESTERDAY!” Some of Hodges’ most valuable and insightful commentary came during a discussion about a photo of pop singer Bono, where he revealed “Bono is in U2. U2 is, like, a middle aged rock band. He’s sporting his winter tan, too, in the middle of summer… in September.”
