HodgesReport.comConstantly Reporting on TMZ Reporter Max Hodges

TMZ employees have brought it to our attention that TMZ payroll actually uses LTPA story counts to determine how much a “reporter” ought to earn on any given day. Recently we’ve been slacking on our story counts, and the uproar from TMZ staffers who’s funds have been cut off is deafening. As Chubby Ballcap has stated, “Harvey just keeps looking at your website and saying ‘No pay today, girlie!’” Balding Lisping also approached Harvey regarding the lack of pay, to which Levin responded “Hey, this is TMZ… not ATMz… you and your money problems an take a hike, sweetheart.’” So, as a Christmas gift to the staff infections of TMZ, we’re reviving the story count!

Yesterday’s Story Count:
- Max Hodges: 4
- Dax Fashion: 4
- Judge Dreads: 4
- Droop Doggy Dog: 4
- Pippi Longstalker: 2
- Balding Lisping: 2
- Gold Digging Slut: 2
- Cake Decorator: 2
- Chubby Ballcap: 1
- Nasal Spray Bandit: 1

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**EXCLUSIVE CONTENT ONLY AVAILABLE ON HODGESREPORT.COM**
TMZ’s holiday party was held on Friday, December 5th and LTPA’s invitation seems to have been lost in the mail. Most of the staffers we follow were there looking their absolute best, but MAX HODGES shocked us all! We gave Max credit for a pretty good Halloween costume back when he was threatening to kill our web developer, but we can’t really endorse continuing to wear that costume throughout the Christmas season. When the TMZ star showed up to the TMZ holiday party in his Halloween costume, Harvey Levin offered some analysis, saying “Well, he gets so caught up in wearing costumes… believe me, you don’t know the half of it.”

Left: Hodges at TMZ’s October 31st Festivities; RIGHT: Hodges at TMZ’s December 5th Festivities.
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Other TMZ staffers partied down merrily and were generally able to avoid Hodges throughout the night.

Last week TMZ’s MAX HODGES applied for an internship at HodgesReport.com. Most people may not have taken this seriously, but as you know by now, we don’t joke around about Max Hodges. LTPA has tallied the votes for and against hiring Hodges as an intern. 54% of voters believe we should hire Hodges, while only 46% believe we should not. In the spirit of democracy, LTPA is offering Max Hodges a position as Assistant to Gus. Duties will include, but are not limited to, attending LTPA staff meetings about how to best ridicule Max Hodges and photoshopping compromising pictures of Max Hodges. You will be compensated with school credit and $15/week. Let us know if you want the job, Hodges. Balding Lisping is hoping you don’t take it so he can apply. Info@LeaveThesePeopleAlone.org

Friday’s Mensa meeting TMZ Headquarters didn’t quite yield enough pitches to fill 22 minutes worth of mind-numbing non-news! Even super sleuth MAX HODGES couldn’t fill the dead air with uninteresting non-stories, so editors had to use archived footage. Now, normally there would be no way to distinguish one terrible TMZ clip from the other, but editors made a grievous blunder this time: the Chubby Spikey Chubby Fluffy fiasco!

Shown at left is the familiar Chubby Spikey speaking about Paula Abdul. But just minutes later, when explaining marriage to dumb-as-rocks Lane Meyer, his hair gel was GONE!. Other giveaways were Dax Fashion’s shirt change and the almost magical appearance of Chubby Ballcap in the final moments of the episode.

Yesterday’s Story Count -Big Momma: 4 -Dax Fashion: 3 -MAX HODGES: 3 -Judge Dreads: 3 (Yes Dreads… victory is in reach!) -Chubby Spikey: 3 -Droop Doggy Dog: 3 -Pippi Longstalker: 2 -Gold Digging Slut: 2 -Chubby Ballcap: 1 -Balding Lisping: 1 -Lane Meyer: 1 -Post Nasal Drip: 1

Ever wondered what it’d be like to see TMZ’s MAX HODGES at a Holiday party? Well, it’s pretty much like seeing a prostitute puke into her own purse and then wear it as a hat on her head. Anyhoo, be sure to tune in Monday for Hodges Holiday Fashions Revealed!. An in depth investigation is about to uncover the truth about what Max Hodges actually wore to the TMZ Holiday Party last Friday night! You won’t believe the horrible, shocking facts around this disturbing discovery.

LTPA received our first website hits from Libya yesterday. Hodges Mania seems to have swept the country, with many taking to the streets to chant “Hodges and Green!” When reached for comment, Libya’s Prime Minister Baghdadi Mahmudi said “new legislation has indeed been introduced to add the face of Hodges to our otherwise plain green state flag.”

A prototype of the proposed new Libyan flag.

Activists take to the streets with pictures of Hodges and Green Flags, chanting for unification.

TMZ’s Dax Fashion looks on as Chubby Spikey realizes he’s accidentally showed up as Chubby Fluffy.
Chubby Spikey, the big deal with ever-spikey hair, showed up to TMZ headquarters as his alter ego, Chubby Fluffy. Sources tell us that when he arrived and saw his reflection, Spikey squealed like a pig, flailed his arms about wildly and screamed “HAIR GEL, QUICK!!! HAIR GEL!!!” One TMZ insider explains: “I never saw him move that fast before… he was at Fashion’s desk in a heartbeat!” Spikey pleaded with Dax Fashion, his chief rival in the Hair Gel Wars, begging for “just a dab… for God’s sake man, JUST A DAB!!!” Fashion refused, and the world was introduced to Chubby Fluffy, the anchor formerly known as Chubby Spikey. When asked to comment, fan favorite MAX HODGES said “Everyone is looking at MY hair anyways. It’s beautiful, see? Doesn’t matter if Fatto Spiko has gel or not.”

MTV producers have informed LTPA that the much anticipated MAX HODGES MTV Cribs will not air. According to the producers, after the Photos of Me room and the Dead Fish room, Hodges’ Old Lady room was just too weird for cable television. After donning his Old Lady costume, Hodges spent 25 minutes showing MTV cameramen pictures of Eleanor Roosevelt and the Hindenburg. We’re told the camera crew escaped as Hodges prepared to serve them cookies.

*John H. from Brampton, ON, Canada earned himself an LTPA t-shirt with this great photo of Hodges’ crib. Thanks John!

TMZ’s most follically challenged cast member shocked us all yesterday by wearing a BROWN SHIRT AND HAT! That’s right, CHUBBY BALLCAP came to work in a brown flannel with matching ballcap. This is a far cry from the traditional black or white XXXL t-shirt he normally sports. Though he barely got any camera time at all, this chubby dude nearly stole the show!