In a ridiculous turn of non-events on Monday’s episode of TMZ, fan favorite MAX HODGES was unable to secure the story count victory despite rumors that he had actually witnessed Rene Russo putting money into a parking meter (which turned out to be yet another silly hoax). Hodges’ performance peaked when he mentioned a mutant Australian lamb with 5 legs and 6 feet (yes, TMZ owns “the best stories in Hollywood”). Even stranger than that, however, were flirtatious and/or hateful glances he and Toolmaster Harvey Levin exchanged… oh, wait… that happens in most episodes. Anyways… Chubby Ballcap went head to head with Hodges to see who could wear their hat most backwards and present the most non-news. Neither of them won.
Posted by LTPA Staff | Posted in News From Gus | Posted on 06-29-2009
Click here to stream it live from WFNX Boston’s website at 8:30, June 30th.
The nice folks at WFNX Boston have invited Gus to come on air tomorrow to talk about LeaveThesePeopleAlone.org. Gus will be on with Fletcher, Charlie, and Ed of The Sandbox to discuss the most important MAX HODGES news of the day. Be sure to tune in at 8:30am EST tomorrow morning, June 30th… anything and everything Hodges-related is fair game. Call the WTF line at 781.595.1017 and leave a message for The Sandbox crew if you have a great rant or question (or if you’re Hodges and you want to say “Good Morning, Gus!”).
Posted by LTPA Staff | Posted in Story Counts, TMZ | Posted on 06-28-2009
From left: Judge Dreads, Max Hodges, and Gold Digging Slut
In an interesting turn of events, MAX HODGES’ utter domination of this week’s story counts was cut slightly short in TMZ’s Friday meeting. Even with impressive stories like “a celebrity standing in her front yard watering the lawn,”Hodges was unable to break free from the pack as we’ve come to expect from recent episodes. Losing by only 2 stories, Judge Dreads valiantly attempted to keep Max in check, chiming in whenever possible. Surprisingly, Gold Digging Slut was hot on Hodges’ tail, despite suspicions that he is not a wealthy man. Hodges, the undisputed fan favorite of urinal journalism, is expected to put up quite a fight to secure Story Count victories next week. Stay tuned for updates.
We all already know what TMZ’s MAX HODGES thinks about gay marriage. Now, in a shocking discussion with his non-news cohorts the “fan favorite” has revealed that he himself will not wed for at least another 20 YEARS! Unconfirmed sources suggest Hodges’ reasoning could be “there are just too many baby babes out there just being born who are gonna be super hot in 19 or 20 years.” This would land Hodges squarely at 48 years of age before he’s ready to tie the knot. Upon hearing this news, Chubby Ballcap screamed “MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU, HODGES,” and waddled out of the room.
Posted by LTPA Staff | Posted in Story Counts, TMZ | Posted on 06-26-2009
Thursday morning’s meeting was yet another chance for any TMZ challenger to stand up to super sleuth MAX HODGES for the story count title. But try as they might, the rest of the non-newsroom was no match for Max’s merciless “reporting.” Highlights of our hero’s presentations included I Want to Motorboat a 67 Year Old Woman’s Jumblies, A Celebrity Parallel Parking, and A Guy in a Gorilla Suit Jumping on the Sidewalk. Never leaving any stone unturned, always following up on the most important leads, Max Hodges makes sure TMZ “owns the hottest stories in Hollywood.”
Max Hodges demonstrates what he’d like to do with the chest of a 67 year old woman. Unconfirmed sources say he showcased his “motorboat” impression several more times throughout the day.
Wednesday’s episode of TMZ again showcased MAX HODGES’ unique ability to blurt out more nonsense than anyone else in the room… by a long shot. In a moment which very well could have been fabricated on this site to poke fun at him, Hodges stopped in the middle of a pitch to MAKE SURE Toolmaster Harvey Levin and the rest of his TMZ cronies had understood his witty quip: “He’s a poet and he didn’t even know it,” said Hodges “But… (awaiting laughter)… you get it? … Hey, you’re a poet and you didn’t even know it?” Unconfirmed reports from TMZ’s post production crew indicate Hodges’ explanation of the joke went on for several more minutes until he was finally distracted by a shiny object in Gold Digging Slut’s hair.
Frustrated glances were passed throughout the room as Hodges made damn sure everyone understood that he had rhymed “poet” with “know it,” and it had been clever to do so.
Posted by LTPA Staff | Posted in TMZ | Posted on 06-25-2009
There’s been a new group of unknowns slowly creeping in to bask in the warmth of MAX HODGES’ outstanding tan. Here’s who’s been competing for Harvey Levin’s attention against the likes of Judge Dreads, Dax Fashion, Balding Lisping, and the rest of the original heavy hitters.
Curly Squeaky
Usually seated at the left hand of the Hodges, her main job is to sit still while he breaks non-news stories. On Tuesday, however, she nearly outshined Max by pitching one of the most non-story pieces of non-news we’ve ever seen. Get to know her in the video to the right –>
Chubby Glasses
This unfortunate character has earned his nickname for obvious reasons. Standing where Mid-Life Crisis used to stand, we suspect he is a recent transfer from IT and still lives with his mother. It is still unclear whether he, Chubby Ballcap, and Chubby Spikey are related. Some conspiracy theorists suspect he is, in fact, a post-makeover Chubby Spikey.
Nameless Moron
His name is not known and all signs indicate he is a moron.
Deliverance
Known for speaking very slowly, Deliverance’s unique presentation style often leaves the viewer wondering “did he finish high school?” We suspect he’s still working on it and fully support his educational endeavors.
It’s been a while since we at LTPA tallied up an official TMZ story count. We kept score during the Tuesday morning meeting… and the results were shocking! Gone are the days when Dax Fashion raced neck and neck with MAX HODGES, literally wining by a nose. Gone are the days when Judge Dreads chimed his way to triumphant victory over Hodges. Gone are the days when Chubby Spikey could speak up with enough self respect to stand a chance against Hodges. Now it seems Lane Meyer and the rest of Harvey Levin’s namby pambies are content to sit back and watch their beloved TMZ become a Max Hodges Gigglefest Extravaganza.
After narrowly missing out on the “World’s Sexiest Man” title and his eventual disqualification from the “World’s Cutest Baby” competition, MAX HODGES has popped up on a Fancast blog posting entitled “10 Sexy Stars Who Heat Up Summer TV, Including Max Hodges.” Not only does Hodges’ name appear in the title of the post, but his write up is nearly three times as wordy as the other nine people. He also appears to be the only one who granted Fancast an interview… we find this very interesting. After some brief gushing over the genius of Harvey Levin, the interviewer addresses Hodges’ thoughts on LeaveThesePeopleAlone.org:
“He is aware of some websites* that follow his every move and on-air utterance but doesn’t take them seriously. ‘I try not to look at that stuff,’ he says. ‘I just try to live my life.’
This is a bit of a contrast from when Hodges told LTPA in October “I THINK THE SITE IS FUNNY.” The sensible follow up questions that come to mind are “Wouldn’t you expect a similar statement from the people TMZ constantly bothers about non-newsworthy events?” and “How do you reconcile that?” Of course the interviewer foregoes any followup, but seriously Hodges, how DO you reconcile that? That’s pretty much the point of this silly website and it sounds like you’re awful close to a breakthrough here!
A screenshot of a past correspondence from Hodges to LTPA via Myspace.com
*”Some websites?” Are there other websites devoted to reporting on Max Hodges that we’ve missed thus far? info@leavethesepeoplealone.org
